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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23591215">my peace has always depended... on all the ashes in my wake.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonquiver/pseuds/poisonquiver'>poisonquiver</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Firebender Sokka (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:33:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23591215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonquiver/pseuds/poisonquiver</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'All I'm saying is, if I had weird powers, I'd keep my weirdness to myself.' </p>
<p>He's every inch the Southern Watertribe Warrior. From the colour of his skin to the blueness of his eyes, everything about him screams Watertribe. </p>
<p>Except for one thing. </p>
<p>He bends fire.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sokka &amp; The Gaang (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>351</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Spark.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainnperfecthair/gifts">captainnperfecthair</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am but a humble peasant and do not own anything but my intellectual property which I've used here to expand an already amazing series. I also do not own any songs as I can't sing and can't write lyrics.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sometimes (all the time) Sokka wishes he weren't a bender at all.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aggressive use of line breaks. Editing done exactly zero percent. I just wanted to get this out before the draft got deleted. No Sokka were harmed in the making of this fic...yet.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>When I was a child I'd sit for hours, staring into open flame. Something in it had a power, could barely tear my eyes away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hozier - Arsonist's lullaby.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Sokka is born on a moonless night in the heart of winter, on the coldest night of the year. If Hakoda had been the superstitious sort, he'd regard it as an omen.</p><p>He's too elated, staring at the child he'd had a hand in creating, to think of Old Maidens' Tales anyway. </p><p>He has a son! </p><p>The little boy opens his mouth and lets out a wail,</p><p>A candle snuffs out. </p><hr/><p>Katara is the pride of the Water Tribe. Everyone knows this, Sokka included. The first waterbender in years!</p><p>She's special. </p><p>Sokka is <em>no</em><em>t </em>jealous.</p><p>He's<em> not.</em></p><p>He just wishes that she didn't feel the need to always show off. Like, maybe he'd like to win their snowman contests just once! Sure, he's the one who always suggests them, but that's beside the point!</p><p>"Using waterbending is cheating!" he yells one day, frustrated at his lopsided snowman and hating how perfect hers looks.</p><p>"Sokka!" His mom admonishes, gathering Katara in her arms and placating her.</p><p>"Apologize." She demands, stern voiced.</p><p>"If I could do what she can, I'd win." He sulks, folding his arms and dropping his lower lip. </p><p>"You can't know that." Kya proclaims sensibly. </p><p>Sokka knows she's right, he knows, it's just not fair.</p><p>Why did Katara get so lucky? Why not him?</p><p>What makes her so special and him not? </p><p>He huffs and mumbles out an apology, taking his sister's small hands in his.</p><p>"Maybe let's make one together?" </p><p>Katara beams.</p><hr/><p>Some nights, when he knows everyone's asleep, Sokka sneaks out.</p><p>He doesn't want anyone to know what he's doing. He's embarrassed because it's stupid, but he can't help it. He goes out and tries to get the water to move.</p><p>He goes and tries to get the water to do anything. </p><p>He goes and tries to be <em>special </em>just a little bit.</p><p>It's a moonless night when something does happen. </p><p>It's a moonless night when everything changes.</p><hr/><p>Water dances when Katara laughs and freezes when she's angry. She could possibly make anything she wants it to if she had the training. Sokka stares angrily at the puddle he's standing in front of because it's not doing <em>anything. </em>It mocks him with its motionlessness. It laughs at him and his inability.</p><p><em>You're</em> <em>not the master of me</em> it seems to say. <em>You're not the master of</em> anything.</p><p>It's been too long and Sokka is tired. He's knows he's not anything special, not anything to write home about, but he still wishes he could be more - do more. </p><p>He wishes he was kissed by the spirits like his sister. </p><p>He aims one more desperate shove at the water, putting everything behind the move. </p><p>An arc of flame shoots forward, dissolving the puddle and turning the snow black. </p><p>The force of it sends him flying onto his back. </p><p>He breathes hard and sits up. </p><p>His hands, which had started to go numb from so long without gloves are hot to the touch. </p><p>He doesn't know what to do with that. </p><p>He runs.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Flare.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kanna wishes she knew how to fix this. She wishes she could do something. Unload his burden onto herself, but it is not to be.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am burdened with glorious inspiration. Enjoy this (rare) early update. I really enjoyed getting into Kanna's head with this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kanna remembers a time when the war was new. A time when the edges were dulled and no one had a polor-dog in the fight. It was a youth she had known but her son had not. Not her grandkids. She yearns for the simplicity of those days.</p><hr/><p>She calls upon a time when she was a little girl herself, hair to her knees and missing her two front teeth, sitting on her father's lap and studying his palms. Her entire hand fit neatly in the space between his thumb and forefinger. He had big hands, warm hands uncommon for the Water Tribe.</p><p>"Papa?" she asks one day, cradling her father's thumb with her fingers. </p><p>"Mm?" he queries serenely, dipping a chunk of bread into his soup. </p><p>"Why are your hands always so warm?" it's an innocuous question, especially from one so young, but the answer is not.</p><p>Her father's fingers go slack and the piece of bread lands in the soup with a soft plop. </p><p>"Why do you ask, Cub?" he asks, brushing her hair back from her face. </p><p>"Kirima's dad has cold hands."</p><p>Kirima's dad is a fishmonger, he always wears gloves. It's an uncomfortable observation.</p><p>"Well, he's always outside." Nanurjuk interjects, arriving with a tray of fish and rice. She pats her daughter's head as she sits down.</p><p>"So's Papa." </p><p>Unnoticed by Kanna, her parents share a look above her head. Nanurjuk raises a shapely brow, Arjan curls his lip.</p><p>He deflates. </p><p>He tells her a tale of an arrogant soldier who met a healer and thought himself enough to defeat her. She soon made him reassess those thoughts. She defeated him and healed his wounds. He fell in love.</p><p>She had planned to tell that tale to her children and maybe even her grandkids with fondness.</p><p>She couldn't possibly have known</p><hr/><p>Kanna sees a lot of her father in her grandson. The cut of his jaw, his intellect (when he chooses to use it), even the smile. </p><p>She sees a little too much of him in Sokka.</p><p>She brings her mind to a time she held him in her arms. He took her face in his hands and squeezed. His hands had been warm. </p><hr/><p>She notices how he's always up before the rest of the tribe. He's always trying to find the highest point to get nearer to the sun. (He doesn't know that's why, he thinks he's trying to ascertain the weak points of their home, but she knows.)</p><p>It's different to his sister's, but there's something in his stride that marks him as a bender.</p><p>Her father would have known what it was. </p><p>She waits for the shoe to drop.</p><p>When it does, it is painful and all she can do is hold him as he cries. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A lot of the (exceptional) takes of this trope have Sokka's bending be the result of tragedy, and in the grand scheme of a 100 years of war, this take makes the most sense, but I don't want to take a situation like that and then immediately kill off the victim without some closure.</p><p>I chose this way because of Katara. She is a waterbender born to non bending parents so it's not outside the realm of possibility that Sokka could have been too. Also, I wanted to explore more defectors outside of Jeong-Jeong.</p><p>There have to be more people who hate war that aren't also terrible cowards. So...</p><p>Anyway. Continue?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Burn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's like this, Sokka is a practical minded kinda guy. He knows logically that his bending (unfortunate as it is) is a weapon. A weapon that no one will expect some backwater hick like the Fire Nation believes him to be will have this kind of weapon.</p><p>He knows logically that just like with his boomerang, he needs to learn how to use it. He needs to learn how to use it well. </p><p>That does not mean that it doesn't suck.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Allow me a fangirl moment. I am overwhelmed with happiness at the attention this little story has gotten. It's crazy. Y'all reading this really is like firebending for the soul. (anyone read Chicken Soup as a kid? Cause that was wiiild.)</p><p>You guys are all amazing and I feel so honoured that you've read, commented, or left kudos. (if you've done all three, you're all extra amazing.)</p><p>But, also there is one person that I did not expect to see here and that is AvocadoLove. I mean, I've been following them since Fanfiction and I love their writing style and all the great reading material they've given?! I just, freaked out in a good way.</p><p>That's not to say that I don't appreciate every single person who read this cause I (and I cannot stress this enough) do, majorly! I love all y'all.</p><p>But I'm shook. </p><p>Now for the reason you're all here...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The journey to acceptance is a hard one. There's a week where he's convinced himself that he's the Avatar, despite the fact that he tells Katara it's foolish to believe that the Avatar will return. He tries even harder to waterbend after that because it's the <em>only</em> thing that makes sense.</p><p>When it becomes obvious that the water will not obey his command, he seethes, snapping at everyone who comes across his path, and being generally curmudgeonly. That attitude is immediately checked when he tries it on his grandmother who is simply not having it. She whacks him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon and that's that.</p><p>Things are harder for him now, it's like there's a gulf that's forming between him and his sister, a gulf she's unaware of, but a gulf nonetheless. It's just so unfair. She gets to be the Miracle of the Southern Water Tribe and he gets to be Sokka. </p><p>And that's fine. </p><p>Or it <em>used</em> to be. He was useful in other ways. He was a boy and boys could do more things. Boys could <em>be</em> more. Boys were warriors and not cooks. So there. </p><p>But then. </p><p>He can bend too. </p><p>And that changes things.</p><p>Except for how it<em> really doesn't. </em></p><p>He knows that people won't look at him in the same way they look at Katara. </p><p>He's not dumb. He knows that their village is small. He knows that the men of the Tribe disappear when they reach a certain age.</p><p>Boys like Cupun tell stories about fire benders that Sokka makes sure Katara doesn't hear. Stories that appear in Sokka's nightmares.</p><p>Cupun is a bully, but he is also very good at storytelling. </p><p> <em>I heard tell of a fire nation ship, bigger than the Chief's home. </em>He'd tell the younger boys under his thrall, speaking with grand sweeping gestures and in low conspiratorial whispers lest the adults hear and put a stop to their fun.</p><p>All eyes are immediately on Sokka, whose own are blown wide. </p><p>Cupun would grin wide and continue his tales, always exaggerating and pretending like he knew more than the other boys. </p><p>He was gone by the next year. </p><p>Sokka wishes he never listened to those tales at all. </p><p>//</p><p>He tries to hide his bending from his family, but it becomes almost impossible. It's like a scab - he knows he shouldn't pick at it but the temptation to do it anyway is strong. </p><p>He takes to sneaking out, which he's getting good at now. </p><p>He goes to the spot he uses to practice his boomerang skills, because he knows no one will come up there. </p><p>(His first lessons with the weapon had been <em>rough</em> to say the least and fear keeps people away from the spot for now.)</p><p>Sokka likes to think that he's a logical guy and he knows that his bending, however unfortunate, is a weapon and, like with the boomerang, he has to learn how to use it. </p><p>Secretly. </p><p>//</p><p>Kanna knows where Sokka disappears to everyday. She won't say anything until she has to. </p><p>One day, faster than she expected she would, she does. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Who's the dumb dumb who deleted a chapter of this story and with it killing momentum and destroying motivation? This kid!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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